Coronation night of Miss Southway was held last night at Astoria Plaza. I didn’t even expect to be in the top 8 finalists nor to win any place. But, I did! Thank God. I don’t know why, but I’m in doubt with my own capabilities, did I even deserve to win? I don’t know how to walk properly, I have this thin body structure, which I think is not suitable for pageants, and I don’t have that full amount of confidence that made my movements limited last night. But, maybe it’s God’s will. I owe everything to Him and also to the people who were always there to support me and  believe in me. 3rd runners up is not a bad tilte for a first timer like me, eh? ;)

My mom just called me ungrateful. Dafuq? You don’t even know how thankful I am for having you as my mother, for the love and care you’ve given me, for the things you did and bought for me, for my fuckin life. And now you call me UNGRATEFUL!? Bitch please. I PRAY AND THANK GOD EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR EVERYTHING, and then you gon’ call me UNGRATEFUL!? I’m just not that expressive but I appreciate every single things about my life. FML

It was so weird. In my dream, i already knew that he was dead, then there was a group of people in front of me and I instantly saw him. Then, I tried to take tons of videos of him but it seems like he was avoiding every shot I took. Maybe my dad’s telling me something :( :( :(

Don’t mistaken me as “ungrateful”, cause truth is, I am. I really am grateful for having the opportunity to be joining such prestige pageant. It’s just that I don’t feel happy about joining pageants. It’s just not my passion. Just because I’m tall, it doesn’t mean that I should join pageants. I’m somehow pressured in joining, because some of the relatives that I know of, have joined previous pageants and have won. I’ve got no chance of winning as well. I know it’s not about the winning, but why the hell did I join if not because of the title? Lol.. I really don’t have the potential -__-  Sad part is, I might end up disappointing myself and the people around me. :( Oh well, I’ll just do my best in the pageant. HUHU Lord, help me. I’m such a pessimist omg

Nung August, Paul asked me if I wanted to join IORG and I wanted to, but I was having some doubts about joining, I was afraid. Then he immediately said “Ay. Di ka pala papayagan ng nanay mo.” and I just nodded. And now there are lots of pictures of the newly installed IORG pioneering batch sa fb. I’m so jelly tlga. HUHUHU then I tried to open up with Mommy about the IORG then she told me not to join that daw. “Numa gat ka entra mga ansina ansina!” </3 /dugsuh /bigti

Kaninang umaga kasi, I went to school at around 9:30AM. Tapos, when I arrived, dumeretso ako sa admission, kase I thought nandun mga kaklase ko (wala naman pala). Pagdaan ko sa admission, may PET (petitioner/pledgee) na nagbow sa harapan ko tas may sinabi pang ewan ko kung ano yon, basta the last thing I heard was “my lady”. Tapos ang kasama ng pet, si Paul. HAHA! Ang weird lang eh noh? Pag dating sa school, may magbbow sayo agad. lol not your usual morning, right?

Nagchat sa akin uncle ko, at eto sabi:

“please change your profile pic. malakara! people who does not know you will not vote. change with a picture that you look very beautiful and stop posting maga-negative comments, ta pelya, akel mga senseless comments kasi you just feel it, etc. it show your immaturity! college ya tu - act properly and with good manners like a fine and well educated lady. hindi ya tu bata :)”

^Kailangan ko na palang magbago. Pero I don’t live to impress anyone naman ah? Grabe. Yan na ba ang problema sa pagsali ng mga pageant na yan, lahat ng galaw mo binabantayan talaga. EH SORRY NAMAN SA NA-OFFEND SA MGA POSTS KO. Sorry kung hindi ako lady-like, sorry kung wala akong manners, sorry kung masyado akong expressive, sorry kung wala akong control sa pagpost ng kung anu-ano, sorry kung ganun ugali ko. Napapa-iyak tuloy ako. Shame on me hay

Alam mo kung gaano kasakit makita ang mahal mo na may kasamang ibang babae? Parang sinampal lang ako ng malakas sa mukha tapos sinaksak ako ng bonggang bongga sa puso. Pafake smile pa ako, para kunyare masaya at walang kebs, pero deep inside durog talaga puso ko. SHET bien masakit

May bago na siya. Masakit man yun.

Yes, I admit, I don’t go home straight after class, because I still hang out with my friends. But that doesn’t give you the right to say/think that I do bad things with them. I don’t have any vices, but the way you scold me, it seems as though you’re trying to tell “something” like I’m smoking/drinking or whatever you’d like to think. Well, think again! I only spend time with them, and that’s it. Yes, maybe most of my friends smoke, but it doesn’t mean that I do, too. -.-” They are good people. Don’t tell me who I am just because of who I hang out with. Just don’t jump into conclusions right away. I know how to take care of myself.

…err sort of. Haha! It was actually a sleep over. Teeheeee~ Happy Birthday na din pala sa katropa namin na si Ricky. Wehh. Masaya talaga. OOT kasi parents ni Katey. Kaya dun kame sa kanila. As usual, lumabas na naman pagkaweirdo ko. Ganon kasi ako during overnights with friends. MAHAHAH! Tapos may nalaman pa ako galing kena Cj. Bitter daw sa akin si Luy. Ajeje masaya din ako nung nalaman ko yun. Akala ko kasi babae na lang lagi ang bitter. Aha ;) Tapos tinanong ko sina Cj kung bakit siya bitter… “Kun huntu ya ka kunamun, tan lehos si Luy. Kun tan kwento ka kunamun, silencio si Luy. Kabar si ta prigunta kame kunele “Ketal kamo di Niña?” ta abla le “Hinde gane kel kumigo tan pansin. Kaninyo tan kwento, kumigo hinde.” ajeje. Iclose na ang topic. Haha. Tapos kumain kame ng cake. Ang saraaaaaaaap. Ako ata yung nakakain ng madami :”)))) Tapos uuwi DAPAT yun ako, tapos nagtext nanay ko na dun na lang daw ako matutulog. lol. Syempre pagkaumaga, umuwi na ako. Tapos sermon yung inabutan ko sa bahay. Anyways, YANG.. Alam kong mababasa mo to. HAHAHA quiet lang

Nah. Who am I kidding? I MISS YOU, not just your text messages. Dammit! I’m hopeless lol

I never knew closure would bring me peace of mind and enlightenment. It’s really my first time to experience that kind of serious conversation. Masakit man, pero kailangan ko lang tanggapin.  Tinapos na namin kung ano mang meron kame. I guess it’s a start of something new for us.. Friendship? Medyo awkward talaga pag ganun.. Pero I’ll try to comprehend na lang. I never imagined myself crying in front of a person, wherein that person is the main reason why I’m crying on the first place. Umiyak din siya, in all fairness. x) Mamimiss ko siya. Lesson learned.. Or should I say LESSONS learned. DON’T RUSH THINGS, GO SLOW and DON’T TRUST YOUR HEART TO ANYONE TOO EASILY OR ELSE YOU’LL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES. :)

miss ko na yung times na nagsasandalan tayo sa isa’t-isa.

miss ko na sweet texts mo.

miss ko na yung pagmumukha mo.

At higit sa lahat, namimiss ko na yung dating ako, yung dating ikaw.. yung ano mang meron tayo. :/ kaya pwede bati na tayo? pwede bang ibaba mo na yang pride mo? :(